I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
