Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
