Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
