I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
