hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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