i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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