Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
