I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
