Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
