Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
