Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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