I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
