How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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