Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
