living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
