We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
