my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
