watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
