woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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