i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
