put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
