This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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