i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had sex on a dog bed..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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