Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
