we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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