i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
