when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
