Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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