he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize