Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont even know how to be here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When did we convert life to cartoon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
