Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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