dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
