Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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