I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
