And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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