my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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