you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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