Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
