It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
