Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
