We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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