Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
