Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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