Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Still dying that you shit outside
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
