I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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