I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
