I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
