hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
