Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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