if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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