i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
