When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
