70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
COCAINE IS GR8
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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