I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
