There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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