So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize