perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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