i love accidental penises.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
