I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
