so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
