I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
