What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
