you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
