May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
