it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
