dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize