oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
