Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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