Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
