guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
