How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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