Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
