i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
