We won't sleep together?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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