It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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