I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
