remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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