any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
