around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
