From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
