Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
