Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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