I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
