Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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