his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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