Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
