So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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