I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
