I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
