i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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