I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
