If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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