There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
