I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
