fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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