THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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