What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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