My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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