Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
