im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
