just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
