a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There r osticjed everywhere
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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