god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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