I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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