Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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